As we quizzed each other for our final exam, a classmate of mine casually tells me she can’t wait for the initiation of the Placement Break Phases. Curious, I ask her to expand: “You know, the phases after the final exam is over and we aren’t in placement anymore,” she says to me matter-of-factly. “My partner has them memorized.“
Here they are, see if you agree!
- Hibernation. Occurs immediately after final exam and may last up to 72 hours. Student midwives may be confused, hungry, and emotional/anti-social-yet-wanting-your-company. They may require frequent vital checks and food delivery.
- Binge watching. The student midwife wakes. She now requires all your best Netflix recommendations. Common side-effects include: sore body’s from back-to-back hibernation-to-binge watching phases.
- Reintroduction. Hello society, how are you? The student-midwife begins to relearn how to engage with others in normal social situations. She may require guidance, as she no longer understands the boundaries of normal social conversation. What do you mean, bulging perineum isn’t something people say in normal conversation? Well rested, she may even dabble in a few of her favourite activities.
- Back to normal. That brief period where the student midwife has fully recovered her mental, physical, and emotional energy and feels like herself again. This is living! This is what it’s like to be alive!
- Complaining of no hobbies. After months of declining participation in normal social events because being a student midwife makes having hobbies very difficult, student midwives begin to realize they need more hobbies. Now that they feel normal again, they ponder whether to start a new hobby. Unfortunately, they can’t have hobbies just now because school is going to start again soon and their main hobby then will be homework. So, in this phase, while the desire to hobby is there, the student will just have nothing to do other than to complain about lack of hobbies.
- Anxious about placement. The student midwife realizes she has to go back to the unpredictable, exhausted, confused, ghost-shell version of herself that did nothing other than try to survive. She becomes irrationally nervous about everything. Plus, there’s so much left to learn! Will he be able to learn it all? Best to lie awake at night the week before placement and think about it.
The reputed, hardest placement of the entire 4 years is coming for me on September 12 … Maternal and Neonatal Pathology (MNP).
Cue “anxious about placement” phase. Can I do it? Stay tuned … Here we go!