Ready but not ready.

Just a week of the Normal Childbearing placement left. Feels a bit surreal.

In early March, I began reflecting on all the things I’ve learned, and since then, I’ve felt completely happy in the placement. Tired? Yes. Overwhelmed? Yes, at times. But, happy. Shifting my focus to what I know really changed the learner’s dynamic that was struggling in my head.

I’ve worked really hard over the last 6 weeks to follow 5 midwives, keep up with their changing schedules, be flexible to their clinical preferences, and receive all their differing pieces of feedback. And actually, I think it’s paid off! I’ve received positive feedback from all of them. Some of the midwives have even said that it felt like I belonged with them, and that I don’t seem like a junior student. (I pretty much fainted when I heard that).

But now, I’m exhausted.

sleep

The coming finale week will be pretty kind to me, however. I’ve hit the maximum allowable birth number (30) in 4 months, so I’ll only be answering pages, doing home visits, and running my final day of clinic.  Funny how that seems so “easy” to me now …

Part of me doesn’t want to let go. I feel like I need to keep going, because I’m terrified that I don’t know enough. There are still gaps, but instead of the smaller skill gaps, I now have bigger, care management gaps. Considering I knew nothing 4 months ago, I think that is good progress, though I’m not sure I’m ready to come into 4th year and be in charge.  So, keeping on the positive thinking front, let’s make a new list, shall we?

Midwifery things I can do confidently now:

  • find a cervix. I’m at about 90% accuracy. Woo!
  • do a stretch and sweep.
  • deliver a baby, solo, in a home water birth and at the hospital.
  • summersault a baby through a nuchal cord.
  • venipuncture (drawing blood is still my favourite skill!)
  • help a client formulate an induction plan that suits her.
  • give oxytocin IM to mothers for active management as they deliver their infant.
  • newborn screens and heel pokes (the heart breaking baby cries make me so glad to be getting better at these).

 

I’ll leave it at this:

I’m ready but I’m not ready.

I feel fantastic about where I’m at clinically.

I’m keen for a summer away so I can try new, off-call adventures.

I’m not ready to be a full, grown-up midwife.

I will miss this life a whole heck of a lot, and this has been such a wonderful experience … guess that means I chose the right profession!  

 

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3 responses

  1. This end is a beginning in disguise, and the new beginning will take you to wonderful places. It’s such and adventure, and you never stop learning.
    I’m stunned you had 30 births in 4 months – no wonder you’re tired!

  2. Pingback: A tease of my future: Midwifery in BC | Disclosed Moments

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