10 Things I didn’t consider when I applied to midwifery

  1. Bye bye nail polish. Cracked nail polish is a delicious place for bacteria to grow. Can’t be doing vaginal exams with that though, now can we?
  2. Along those lines, hello short stubby nails. No one wants my fingernails pushing down on their bellies while I determine the baby’s position. Fingernails + cervix don’t match either.
  3. Welcome to the rest of your life – outside? I knew we did home visits but I didn’t consider the parameters of that. For instance, lately, it’s been -20 degrees C. That’s a whole lot of layers to slop on and off as you enter 5+ homes per day. It’s also impossible to keep my hands warm for those baby visits. I end up sitting on the baby scale to warm it beforehand, and running my cold hands under warm water before each visit. If you have any other strategies to suggest, I’d welcome them!
  4. Illegal parking is going to be a more regular thing. Ain’t nobody got time to read parking signs when you’re rushing to a birth!
  5. I’m going to need a bigger vehicle for all the home birth supplies. Egad.
  6. When do we eat?
  7. When do we pee?
  8. Trying to find your inner peaceful zen? I am that asshole who has her phone on during yoga. Sorry in advance, there’s a mother-baby diad in need! (Well, truthfully, it may just be a friend who is texting me … but the former sounds much more impressive when you’re phone is on all the time.)
  9. Scrubs aren’t made for tall people. I’ve accepted the world of colourful socks and 3/4 length pants.
  10. Final coup de grâce: we clean up after a home birth …

More discoveries ahead, I’m sure!


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