Q: Why its so cold.
A: It’s not really. Not yet. But, it’s fall. Which means “warning, winter is coming.” Also, you came to Canada. So. There’s that.
Q: How do I close the blinds?
A: With much, MUCH caution. Careful, pulling the string too quickly will result in more cold coming in to the house to get you.
Q: How do I start the microwave after I put the numbers in?
A: Well, you could continue staring at the microwave, and will it to turn on with your magical Mexican powers. But otherwise, I would just press “Start”. The former sounds exhausting.
Q: When will the sun come out?
A: It’s out right now … Also. We Canadians travel to places like Mexico to get sun in the winter. Remember, your homeland?
Q: How long does food last in the fridge?
A: Until the expiration date. I don’t know how to help you out here. Smell it?
Q: Why is the washing machine making that crazy sound?
A: Let’s open the lid and find out. OH! You are washing your brand new winter jacket? Why? Because you sat in the grass once? That’s … interesting …
Q: Recycling. What is this?
A: Well. Where to begin.
Q: Will this wood house blow away? I’ve seen on TV that American wood houses are very fragile, in tornadoes and such.
A: Are you a fan of Helen Hunt? Perhaps you’ve watched too much of The Wizard of Oz. Oh. Also. Tornadoes … don’t … happen … here … movies are just pretend.
Culture shock + palliative care = friggen nuts/ extremely entertaining daily musings.